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<title>The Five Times Dave Kept A ’Brave Face’ And The One Time He Broke by Stozier_Rights</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841106">The Five Times Dave Kept A ’Brave Face’ And The One Time He Broke</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stozier_Rights/pseuds/Stozier_Rights'>Stozier_Rights</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Angst, Bad Parenting, Bros horrible parenting skills, Child Abuse, Dave Needs A Hug, Dave has PTSD, Dave won't open up, Dave won't tell people how he feels, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Dave's sad, Dirk's a good big brother and just wants to comfort Dave, Homestuck in 2020? Yes sir, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Karkat and John love their boyfriend, M/M, Multi, Nightmare bubbles, Nightmares, Not really an cannon compliment but also not an au so there's plot holes, Past Child Abuse, Sollux is a good friend, Sollux is alive in this because I can, im sorry for this dumpster fire of angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:54:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,545</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stozier_Rights/pseuds/Stozier_Rights</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave didn't exactly have an ideal child hood, sometimes, even the strongest of knights need to be comforted.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider &amp; Dirk Strider, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Dave Strider, John Egbert/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor &amp; Dave Strider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Five Times Dave Kept A ’Brave Face’ And The One Time He Broke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1.</p><p> </p><p>Dave jolted awake gasping for air as cold sweat ran down his forehead and soaked his body. He took shaky breath after shaky breath attempting to steady his breathing and stop his lungs from aching. The boy's cheeks we're heating up and his eyes began to burn but he <em> refused </em>to let himself cry.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ( ’Cryings for sissies!’ ) </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>”Another fucking nightmare…” Dave mumbled to himself as he pulled his knees flush to his shaking torso. Nightmares weren't an uncommon occurrence for him in fact, this had been the third one in that week alone, most definitely the worst of them though. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ’ ”Can't you see I do this to help you?”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ”Trust me Dave-”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The sound of bone snapping and a deafening scream filled the air as Bro put a little too much pressure on Daves arm.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ”-you need me.” ’ </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>A shudder went down Dave's spine as the events of the nightmare replayed in his head, <em> he wished he could say the events only ever happened in dream, in the unconscious world.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the bedroom door swung open and the light switched on causing him to jump, ”Dave why the fuck are you- Dave?...” Dave jerked his head up to see the un-welcomed visitor.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Karkat </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dave quickly grabbed his pair of sunglasses from his nightstand and shoved them on his face. ”Karkat, hey karkat. Sorry, did I wake you?...” </p><p>”Yeah I uh, I heard you screaming in your sleep. Is- is everything ok?” </p><p>”Yeah yeah, no need to worry karks just, go back to sleep I'm sorry for waking you up.” </p><p>”But Dave-”</p><p> </p><p>”Seriously I'm <em> fine, </em>please just go back to your room, go to sleep.” </p><p>Karkat looked hesitant but nodded, ”Fine, but try not to scream anymore tonight, I need my beauty rest.” Dave let out a small chuckle as the troll exited his room, he then tried to get some sleep, only he didn't get one more wink of rest that night.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe them all moving in together wasn't such a good idea. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>2.</p><p> </p><p>Dave stood in the mirror over analysing all the scars that littered his body, he hated those scars. Everyone always told him, ‘Just look at them like battle scars, everything you've been through and conquered.’ He couldn't bring himself to though, all he saw was reminders of hardship. <em> Reminders of how fucking weak he was. </em> No matter how much John told him he was the bravest person he had ever known, Dave knew it was all lies. John pitied him, that's all. Although John knew some of what Bro did, he didn't know the full extent. He didn't know Dave gave up on fighting back somewhere along the way, just gave into Bro and accepted his fate, which made him the opposite of brave. He didn't know about the days to weeks of starvation, or how some days, <em> even to this day, </em> Dave had a hard time dragging himself out of bed. He didn't know Dave had a hard time being in the same <em> room </em> as Dirk and how fucking selfish he felt for that. So yeah, John was just pitying him. </p><p> </p><p>Dave hated that he had these thoughts. John was one of his best friends and was far too nice to ever do anything to hurt him, but still the feeling lingeried. He hated that he was covered with reminders of times he failed, failed to protect himself, failed to be brave. </p><p> </p><p>He needed to talk to someone about this, he knew he did, but who? He didn't even want to open up in the first place let alone to the people around him. <em> They won't understand. </em> He said to himself over and over. <em> They'll think you're weak, ridicule and make fun of you, </em>the boy knew this wasn't true. He knew if he did open up to Dirk, John, Nepeta, Rose, Sollux, hell even Karkat. They would, anyone one of them would comfort him, tell him it was all alright, never make fun of him, but he didn't want pity, he was just fine on his own. </p><p> </p><p>The boy looked at himself in the mirror once more, he didn't have his glasses on. His blood red irises held so many secrets behind them. Secrets he never planned on sharing. He wanted so badly to curl up into a ball and scream and cry until he lost his voice, he wanted to get it all of his chest, all of it. He wanted to talk to somebody, he wanted for somebody to hold him and tell him everything would be ok until it didn't hurt anymore, he wanted to cry it all out, <em> but Striders don't cry. </em> </p><p> </p><p>So he didn't, he didn't let tears brink his eyes nor run down his pale cheeks, and he attempted to swallow the lump that was stuck in his throat and forced a smile. </p><p> </p><p>He then put his glasses and shirt back on before walking out into the main room with one thought coursing through his mind, </p><p> </p><p>‘<em> Be strong Dave, be </em> <b> <em>Brave</em> </b>.’ </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>3.</p><p> </p><p>There was a small knock at Daves door, the boy smiled hoping it was Sollux coming to ask if he wanted to play another round of Mario kart, since Dave had kicked his ass in the tournament. </p><p> </p><p>To Dave's surprise, when he opened the door, standing in front of him was not Sollux but Dirk. The boy winced back slightly, seeing the taller in front of him. This was something that certainly didn't go unnoticed by Dirk. </p><p> </p><p>“Dave? I’m sorry is this a bad time?...” </p><p> </p><p>Dave quickly shook his head, trying desperately to get the tight feeling of dread to leave his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“No, no. You can uh, you can come in if you want?” Dave then moved out of the doorway with shaking legs. Yet another thing that didn't go unnoticed by Dirk. </p><p> </p><p>“I was just coming in to check on you, you have… Seemed off lately.” </p><p> </p><p>Dave swallowed nervously at that statement, <em> was it that noticeable? </em> Had he become so weak that he couldn't even keep up the facade that he was fine, that nothing bothered him or could tear through his thick skin or heart of steel. He thought he had pretended he was virtually bulletproof for long enough to pass. Long enough to trick everyone around him. </p><p> </p><p>When Dave fell silent Drik went to take a step closer to the boy but he visibly tensed and stumbled back.  Dirk automatically backed up, taking the hint that the boy was under distress. </p><p> </p><p>“Dave… Stop hiding how you feel you're clearly not ok. I know we've not known each other for long but, I already look at you as my little brother. Please, talk to me…” Dave let out a small sigh, running his fingers through his light hair. “Dirk, don't worry about it seriously… I’m fine.” “Dave.” He had a bit more of a stern tone now, nothing threatening but it still made a look of panic flash on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“It's just…” Dave started not wanting to worry Dirk, but also not wanting to poor everything out there. <em> He could handle this on his own. </em> “You look so much like <em> him.” </em> Dirk made a silent oh shape with his mouth, “Your bro… You miss him?” Dave kept his mouth shut for a moment, this was perfect he could just say he missed the man, although that wouldn't explain why he acted like a scared puppy dog around Dirk, but it might help. As much as Dave hated to admit it, he <em> did </em>miss Bro, he may have been a shitty person but he still loved and somewhat cared for Dave. So at least Dave wouldn't have to lie to Dirk. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…I do. Sorry if I’ve been acting weird around you it's just, I guess I'm fucked up…”  </p><p>Dirk frowned, “It’s ok… I’m here for you whenever you're ready.” </p><p>Dave nodded and without another word and a comforting smile the older walked out, closing the door softly. </p><p> </p><p>Dave felt like he could break down, felt like he wanted and needed to but once again he pushed it to the back of his mind and carried on. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>4.</p><p> </p><p>Dave felt like he was a little kid again, but not in a good way. He felt like he was in that shitty Houston apartment again. He felt like he was living with bro again, being forced up to the roof everyday to get the absolute shit beat out of him, then having to attempt to doctor his wounds and assure John, Rose, and Jade online that he was fine and Bro was just simply helping him. He felt he was being told once again that because he couldn't over power this man that he was weak and ‘needed this.’ He felt even in the present day that he was still living a lie, even with Bro no longer even alive. </p><p> </p><p>The boy had one main thought running through his head, <em> I deserved everything that went on when I was a child, I was weak and needed to be fixed. </em>As much as he said to himself that he was just a kid and didn't deserve any of the abuse, the vicious thoughts stayed. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It was your fault.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>You</em> </b> <em> caused it.  </em></p><p> </p><p><em> It was </em> <b> <em>your </em> </b> <em> fault.  </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>It was your fault. </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Your Fault! </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Weak. </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Failure.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Dave felt an all too familiar pain in his chest as he tried to steady his breathing again. </p><p> </p><p><em> Of course this had to be happening when he was sitting on the couch with sollux. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Bro, you ok? You look upthet.” His lisp slipped out as he spoke with concern. </p><p>Dave nodded quickly, “I’m fine, I just have a headache…” Dave then stood up starting for his room, “Sorry but can we do a rematch later?” Speaking of the game they had been previously playing, “I think I’m gonna go lay down for awhile…” Sollux nodded, “Yeah, feel better man.” </p><p> </p><p>Once he was in his own room he collapsed on the bed, trying to avoid the thoughts as well avoiding a panic attack. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>5.</p><p> </p><p>Dave couldn't sleep, he couldn’t fucking sleep and he had zero clue why. His mind was drowning with thoughts and he just needed something to distract himself, <em> anything. </em>That was about the time when he heard small cries coming from outside his door. Dave stood up, putting his glasses on and quickly, and going out into the main room. There he saw John curled up on the couch crying softly into his knees, the sight was enough to shatter his heart into a million pieces. </p><p> </p><p>Dave quickly went over and pulled the smaller boy into a hug, stroking his hair gently. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey John, what happened?” He said as gently as possible, trying not to worsen the situation. </p><p> </p><p>John stifled another sob as he clung onto Dave's chest, “I-I had a dream- a n-nighmare, that I lost you… It felt so- so real…” </p><p> </p><p>“Shhh, shhh it's ok, I’m right here everythings ok…” Dave of all people knew how bad and real nightmares could feel, he hated seeing John so upset. </p><p> </p><p>John sniffled as he began to relax and hug Dave back, “Please, don't leave me.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave wanted to cry at John's words, he didn't know if it was just everything pint up or seeing the boy like this for the first ever time truly hurt him. Still Dave kept a comforting smile as he held John and calmed him down, trying to avoid thinking of his own problems. <em> That's selfish Dave, stop thinking about yourself, your friend is in pain. </em>So Dave just rubbed John’s back and talked him down from being in emotional distress.</p><p> </p><p>“Why were you sleeping on the couch anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>John let out an airy chuckle “I passed out out here.” </p><p> </p><p>Dave, content with getting John calm again decided to just hold the boy till he fell asleep again and try to forget about the pain in his heart. </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>1.</p><p>
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</p><p>Screaming. That was what the house was awakened to at three am. Loud, Broken pleas for help and sobs. Screaming. Screaming coming from Daves room. Dirk was the first one to run into the room, he saw Dave, who he expected to have been murdered, laying in bed, clearly sleeping but also clearly in pain. The boy, who Dirk had never seen cry, had tears racing down his cheeks and screams ripping through his throat. Dirk instantly went to try to wake him up as, whatever was happening in the dream must have been horrible. What the older didn't know is this would just worsen things. </p><p> </p><p>When Dave's eyes shot open and met Dirks familiar orange ones, his eyes flashed with a mix of immense panic and fear. That was about the time both Karkat and John arrived in the bedroom. </p><p>Dave scurried away from Dirk, backing up to the utmost corner of his bed, shouting at Dirk to stay away as tears streamed down. </p><p> </p><p>“Please just leave me alone! I don't want to do this anymore Bro! Please, Please, stop!” <br/><br/></p><p>Dirk looked shocked as the boy shook with fear, Karkat and John exchanged a worried glance before racing over to the bed. </p><p> </p><p>“Dave what's going on?” Karkat asked as Dave choked on another sob, “He’s gonna hurt me! Please don't let him again!” Karkat than glared at Dirk “You fucking hurt him?! You asshole!” </p><p>Dirk quickly shook his head, “I would never lay a hand on him!” </p><p>“Than why the hell-” </p><p> </p><p>John then interrupted, “Bro…” </p><p> </p><p>“What?...” </p><p> </p><p>“It's not Dirk, it's Bro. Dirk looks identical to him…” </p><p> </p><p>“Who the hell is Bro?!” Karkat questioned</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a long story but he wasn't the best guardian. Dave always acted like it was fine when we were younger but i've always gotten the feeling he's been keeping something from me.” </p><p> </p><p>“I thought Bro was good, he told me- he told me he missed him…” </p><p> </p><p>John shook his head no as Dave pulled his knees to his chest, as he sobbed harder and mumbled incoherent pleas for help. John climbed onto the bed and began trying to comfort Dave as Karkat followed suit. </p><p> </p><p>Dave clug to karkat for dear life as he choked out weak sobs and John stroked his hair just as he had for him just the other night.  John planted small soft kisses on Dave’s hot forehead hoping the small gesture would help calm him down and bring him back to reality. As John did this Karkat hummed softly lightly rocking Dave back and forth until the sobs turned more into soft cries and quiet chantings of ‘I’m sorry’ s. </p><p> </p><p>“Shh, shh, it's ok, it's not your fault…” John had never heard Karkat speak this softly, nor Dave be this upset.</p><p> </p><p>Once Dave's cries stopped and turned to sniffles, with a sad smile, Dirk exited the room to see a hallway lined up with worried friends. Sollux, Nepeta, Rose, Roxy, Kanaya, and Terezi stood and Dirk waved them all back to their rooms. </p><p> </p><p>Soon enough John and Karkat got Dave to fall back asleep but neither of them made a move to get up, so they silently agreed to sleep there, with Dave. In the morning Dave was the first one awake and even remembering the events of the night before, he felt safe, tucked between a sleeping John and Karkat.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok like, I binge wrote this because I fucking love Dave Strider with all my heart. Plus this is highkey a vent fic so. But anyway I just got into the Homestuck fandom and even though it's basically dead I'm still holding on, cause I'm late to the party and Dave, Sollux, Karkat, and John are my comfort characters. I hope whatevers left of the Homestuck fandom enjoys my shitty writing ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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